DANGERS AND DELIGHTS OF RETIREMENT

By:  Jean Leedale Hobson

Retirement!  Freedom to travel,  to move to another location, to follow pursuits denied during the working years. But this sudden around-the-clock togetherness can put a strain on the best of marriages.

Teaming up for activities isn’t always a good idea;  it’s sometimes a misguided attempt at toetherness.   A better idea is for each to have some individual space along with joint ventures,  creating a healthy, sensible balance. .  ‘Be good to yourself’  isn’t an empty phrase.  Self-denial, under the guise of being unselfish, could eventually lead to a gnawing resentment.

Karen left teaching but was soon caught up in volunteering, enjoying lunch dates with other retired women, a regular workout program at the gym.  When her husband, Mike, retired a year later he found himself with too much time on his hands. He missed the hectic business environment he’d been happy enough to leave.  Before long, sensing his boredom, Karen pulled out of her own activities so they could spend all their time in joint ventures.       

Before long, they felt a strain, though, and decided that a reasonable pattern of certain separate interests wouldn’t tear them apart, quite the reverse.  Karen resumed her volunteering but with limited commitments.  On those days, Mike planned to meet former colleagues over lunch, keeping in touch with the business world rather than severing  the connections completely.

Another couple, Barb and Tom, faced retirement with a more serious problem which affected not only themselves, but their families.  Year-round golf and swimming tempted Tom.  “But at decision time,” he told a friend, “Barb couldn’t face moving away from the kids and grandkids. We saw each other’s point of view, but we were at an impasse until our son, Jeff, suggested a way out.”

The compromise mutually agreed on was that the retirees would sell their house and move into an apartment, investing the sale proceedings.  Without the responsibility of a house and garden back home,  they could take off for sand, surf and sun -- after spending Christmas with the families as usual.  With the worst part of winter away from the cold,  springtime saw them back in the apartment with family and friends near. The couple’s disparate concept of retirement was solved by this amicable division of the calendar.

A different tug-of-war happened when Denise and Evan retired simultaneously.    ‘To roam or stay home?’ -- that was the question.  Evan’s job had meant frequent business trips away from home, while Denise’s career had left no room for travel. 

“I’ve had enough of hotels and restaurants,” he argued. 

“And I’ve longed to get away and see other places,” Denise parried. 

With respect for each other’s viewpoint, they found the answer in occasionally setting off early in the day to visit interesting destinations, always within close enough range to return to the comfort of home at night.  Denise said she felt like a tourist without the hassle of travel, and Evan realized that if he’d  turned into a constant couch potato, monotony would have taken over before long.

Similarly, Ginny and Carl chose to stay close to home base,  exploring their own city.  “People from all over come here on vacation, and we’ve never had the time  to enjoy what is right on our doorstep,”  Ginny said, adding, “Carl  is keen on historical buildings and  botanical gardens,  while I love roaming around book stores, art galleries and antique shops.  Sometimes we share these together; other times we go our separate ways for a couple of hours. Thien it’s fun to discuss them over coffee.”

Carl pointed out that  looking at it through the eyes of visitors had given them a new appreciation of their own city.  “I’ve never had the time for gardening before,” he went on.  “Now I get chatting with parks keepers, and it’s given me a whole new interest in our own garden.” 

“Finding little out-of-the-way places to eat is something we both enjoy, and now we know where to take out-of-towners who come to visit us, ” Ginny said.

There are more hazards to harmonious retirement  than the question of travel. Housework and shopping can threaten the peace of Home Sweet Home when both partners are home all day.  Kathy tried not to complain, but she couldn’t always hide her annoyance when Richard’s good intentions interfered with her long-established household routine. “I only meant to help,” he said. “But I felt in the way. We had to make some changes.” 

They worked out a system for sharing chores and even took turns at cooking.

When too much togetherness  tarnishes the initial glow of both being at home all day,  the best solution is to branch out into new interests. Community Centers offer an ideal escape from boredom.  It’s worth checking into educational courses, hobby workshops, lectures and travelogues; there are endless opportunities available to suit young-at-heart retired couples, either jointly or individually.
 
The so-called Golden Years can quickly lose their shine unless  sme adjustments are made early.  The ‘Rule of C’  can ease the transition: Communication, Consideration, Compromise.  Freedom from the rigours of  earlier years ought to bring the realization of  long-held dreams, and open up new doors to a fulfilling future.  Given the blessing of good health, this stage of life can truthfully be called the best years!

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