The Real Story of Adam and Eve

By Carol Kehlmeier

“Now, what’s the matter, Eve?” Adam asked, breathing a long sigh.

“You never talk to me anymore.” She sniffled.

“Don’t start that infernal nagging.”

“When I think of all the.....”

“Don’t say it, Eve.” He interrupted.

“Say what?” She asked innocently.

“That.....‘When I think of all the others I could have married.’” He said in a sing-song voice. “ We both know that’s a lot of malarkey.”

“Adam, why are you always angry?”

“I’m not angry.“

“Then why are you yelling?”

“I’m not yelling.” He tried to soften his voice.

“I’m bored. There’s nothing to do here.” Eve whimpered.

“You have your chores.”

“Cleaning up after you and sweeping out the cave is not any fun. I want some excitement.”

“I have excitement. I climb the mountains, forge the streams, shinny up trees and wrestle the lions. This garden in a paradise.”

“Adam, I’ve been thinking.” She dropped her voice to a whisper. “Wouldn’t you like to take a stroll to the other side of the garden? Just for a little excitement.”

“I have plenty of excitement. Wrestling lions! What could be more exciting than that?”

“I was thinking about that forbidden fruit. That sounds exciting.”

“Hush. He’ll hear you.” He pointed toward the sky.

“ I was talking to Mr. Snake and he said we could taste the fruit. He said it wasn’t any big deal.”

“I told you not to talk to him. He’s nothing but trouble.” His voice rose.

A tear appeared on Eve’s cheek. “You don’t have to shout.”

“Don’t start sniveling over it. Why do you always cry?”

“Because God said He put all the things in me He forgot to put in you.”

“Like what? I’m a hunter. I have all the parts I need. I don’t see you starving. Fact is, I think you might be getting a little hippy.”

“I am not!” She paused. “The Big Guy in the Sky said He didn’t give you enough sensitivity so he gave me enough for both of us.”

“What do you want from me, Eve?”

“We never go anyplace or do anything. Couldn’t we just go for a walk to the other side of the garden?” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “And check out that tree?”

Adam thought for a moment. “We’ll go over and check it out if it will make you stop nagging.”

As they walked through the woods, Eve talked on and on about Mr. Snake. “He told me the only reason God doesn’t want us to eat that fruit is because it will make us wise and it would unlock all of life’s secrets.” She smiled and ran her fingertips down Adam’s cheek. “Don’t you want to know things?” She snuggled up close to him.

“I’m happy just the way things are. I’m not curious about anything.”

“Wouldn’t you like to invent something new and exciting?” Eve suddenly stopped in her tracks. “There it is, Adam. Go ahead, pick one little apple. It won’t hurt anything.”

Adam thought for a brief moment, then reached up and plucked an apple from the tree. He looked at the red shiny sphere. He could smell the sweet aroma and his mouth began to water. “One little bite won’t hurt,” he said, then bit into it. “Oh, Eve, this is wonderful. Here, take a bite.”

Eve bit into the fruit. “That’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted.” She wiped away the juice from her chin.

“This would taste good with a rich crust around it,” Adam said, munching on the apple.

“What are you doing? I told you that was forbidden.” The Voice called from above.

“She made me do it,” Adam called.

“He wanted to,” Eve said, her voice trembling.

Lightening flashed across the darkened sky. Thunder shook the earth and wind roared through the garden bending the trees to the earth. Birds and animal life ran for shelter.

“From now on you shall wear clothes and be uncomfortable.”

Eve closed her eyes and saw visions of all kinds of shoes in a multitude of colors. She saw skirts and dresses and shirts and gowns, tailored pant suits, and glimmering jewelry.

“Adam, I want to go shopping. This would end my boring life.” Her voice perked up.

“ Adam, you shall work by the sweat of your brow.”

Adam saw Mr. Snake slithering across the grass in front of him. Adam shut his eyes and saw a vision of little white balls and long sticks and holes in the earth. Suddenly he wanted to invent something. “Golf!” He shouted. “I’ll invent golf.”

And so it has been from the beginning of time. Men chase a little ball across the grass with a stick in hopes of knocking the ball in one of the holes in the ground.

Women shop because their husbands won’t talk to them or take them any place because they’re too tired from chasing the little ball with a stick.

The moral of the story is don’t listen to Mr. Snake and don’t wish for excitement when you live in a paradise.

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